The following is a piece I wrote a few weeks into March of 2020 with distance learning in full effect for our elementary-age children. Written as a tongue-in-cheek response to a lot of social media posts featuring homeschool schedules and pictures of happy children diligently completing their schoolwork, it endeavors to present a more accurate portrayal of the daily work-and-learn-from-home schedule for families enjoying the same relative privilege as mine... seeking authenticity and humility in my portrayal.
Daily Schedule at Casa de Hancock
6:30am - Daddy wakes up, complaining his neck hurts, and goes to "work" in the home office. Mommy wakes up and starts caffeinating, checking email, and catching up on the news.
7 - Children wake up and watch 'Bunk'd.'
7:30 - Child A is tired of 'Bunk'd' and wrestles Child B for the remote. Things escalate quickly.
7:31 - Mommy breaks up fight and sits down to watch what those crazy kids at Camp Kikiwaka are up to today, loses interest, immerses herself in social media from her phone.
8am - Mommy prepares breakfast (sausage biscuits and fruit) for little people. Children eat the fruit and half of a biscuit, feed the sausage to the dog.
8:15 - Children complain they are "starving." Mommy slaves over a second breakfast (cereal and milk) for little people. Children eat two spoonfuls and pronounce themselves "stuffed."
9 - Schoolwork with Child A (all four lessons complete in record time)
10 - Schoolwork with Child B - Attempt #1
10:25-10:35 - Time out #1 for Child B
10:35 - Schoolwork with Child B Attempt #2
10:40 - Bribes offered to Child B. Child B declines bribes, pulls back of shirt over his head, goes mute.
10:45 - Child B breaks pencil and throws it on the ground.
10:47 - Child B loses Nintendo Switch for 24 hours.
10:48 - Schoolwork with Child B Attempt #2 aborted
11 - Snacktime for children. Mommy practices deep breathing.
11:30am-12:30pm - Children play outside while Daddy supervises and Mommy goes on a run.
12:30 - Daddy serves lunch to the little people (ham and cheese Lunchables). Children eat the cookies first, then the cheese, leave the rest for the dog.
1 - Schoolwork with Child B Attempt #3
1:10 - Child B rips up worksheet.
1:10-1:20 - Timeout #2 for Child B
1:20-2:20 - Schoolwork for Child B - Attempt #4 and... Success!!! (Well, 3/4 lessons complete... Good enough!)
2:30-3:30 - Children take lovely walk with Mommy, even holding her hands. Mommy tries to commit every moment of the walk to memory. She's SO happy.
4-5 - Mommy and children color. Mommy draws 2 animals. Child B draws 3 poop emoji monsters.
5-6 - Daddy makes dinner. Family eats together. Three people fart audibly at the table.
6-6:15 - Children "pick up" the common areas.
6:15-6:30- Daddy explains that pushing trash under the couch is not picking up. Children throw apple cores and yogurt containers previously hidden under the couch in the trash.
6:30-7 - Children "bathe" by running the shower and wetting their heads, return downstairs in pajamas.
7-7:05 - Mommy smells children's hair and sends them back to bathe for real... with soap!
7:30-8 - Family snuggles and watches a show.
8 - Children go to bed.
8:01 - Mommy pours herself a HUGE glass of Chardonnay.
8:07 - Mommy falls asleep.
8pm-1am - Daddy watches zombie shows, falls asleep sitting up on the couch chin to chest.
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